Things are moving

Music: Dark Beyond the Blue, Hammock / Kids, The New Division / Requiem for Dying Mothers, Stars of the Lid

It’s 4am.

Should be asleep.

Feeling good.

For once?

Hyperbole.

Things are moving in a good direction.

Things are moving.

Things. are. moving.

And that’s good.

I am falling in love with life. Not just positivity. But with all its imperfection. With all its hope. With its struggle.

I don’t do enough.

I want to be good.

I want to do.

I want to produce.

I want to see results.

I want to look back upon.

Gratitude: Friends, Korean / Asian style karaoke, a new relationship – is this love? seeing an Instagram profile of 6 years of life and being inspired by someone who lives, and who must live for others.

Emotions come and go. Excitement comes and goes.

That’s all ok.

I have dreams.

All I have to do, all we have to do is not waste time.

Not. Waste. Time.

How do we not waste time?

Why do we waste time?

Because we are trying to escape the moment. We don’t value the moment. Beholding life, beholding the moment is scary. So we opt for the easy.

What’s the difference between needed rest and distraction, and wasting time? I think it varies from person to person, and moment to moment.

I want to make future me proud.

But now me is already proud.

Sad…regretful…but also proud.

Bittersweet.

Creating.

Producing.

Developing self-compassion. Self-love. Being able to be embarrassed at myself, but also make myself laugh and be proud of myself at the same time.

Real representation – getting the most popular, and the best ideas represented. Making it so that your vote does count.

He’s sitting on one side of the room, and his destiny is on the other side. The room is large. It’s filled with people. They are dancing in slo-mo. So many distractions. But he’s been to this party before. He’s been there many times. Now he’s curious about the door on the other side.

Beauty in the desire. Such beauty in the desire.

The voices of self-hate are slowly quieting. The feelings of capability, of independence, of autonomy and wanting to pursue my deep desire, instead of someone else’s, or get someone else’s attention are waning. Not caring about what other people think about so much.